


i miss you all the time.

by aestheticcastiels



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Ghost Ash Lynx, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Rated teen for swearing, Sad Ending, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29101467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticcastiels/pseuds/aestheticcastiels
Summary: Ash always finds his way back to Eiji.He doesn’t like it.He wishes it would stop.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	i miss you all the time.

**Author's Note:**

> I HATE READING ANGST WHY DO I KEEP WRITING IT.  
> Anyways Hi! I have another fic here. I wrote it because I found this song called Celene by gigi on soundcloud. It made me really sad and sparked inspo for this fic. Look it up if you'd like. I think that is all I have to say. Happy reading!
> 
> Also as always i'm asking y'all to comment any tags/warnings to add in case any were missed, thank you!!

Ash always finds his way back to Eiji.  
He doesn’t like it.  
He wishes it would stop.  
But whenever he loses the slightest bit of concentration while watching anyone else he always comes back to Eiji.  
And it hurts so much.  
Because Eiji's always so sad now.  
And Ash hates that he knows Eiji will never smile the same way he did all those years ago.

Ash has never despised himself more than when he has to watch Eiji live a lifetime that Ash should have been part of.

He knows he shouldn’t have fucking stayed in the library and he’ll regret it everyday, but why does the universe make it so hard.

He has to watch as Eiji heals and mourns and hurts, and he can’t fucking do anything.  
And he so terribly regrets staying in that library.  
Because it hurts like a bitch to see Eiji live on but always have that horrible melancholic aura around him 

Ash wishes some days that Eiji would just forget him and find someone else. No matter how much the mere thought hurts Ash he just wants Eiji to finally be happy so fucking bad.

But Ash knows Eiji,  
and Eiji will never find someone else,  
he will stay miserable and lock up his mind, body, and heart to any options beyond Ash.

Because Eiji is Eiji,  
and he will keep looking for Ash in everything no matter how badly Ash wants him to move on.

So Ash will regret and hurt and mourn Eiji's light.  
He will live with the fact that he made the wrong decision to stay slumped over that goddamn table. God Ash feels horrid.

Everything brings him back to Eiji.  
And everything Eiji does makes him so homesick for a light that Ash had put out with one decision.  
A decision that had seemed so right at the time.  
But now he just wants to be back with Eiji.

He wishes he got on that plane.  
He wishes he wasn’t so fucking high and mighty and so goddamn set on death.  
He wishes he could be kissing Eiji goodnight.  
Hell he wishes that he could’ve given Eiji that fucking vanilla candle he had always coveted.

Ash just wishes he was still there. 

Because it hurts so much knowing the next time he will see Eiji will not be when he gets home from work but when he joins Ash in death. 

Ash wishes every single day he just made the right choice that day.

But there’s no going back.  
Ash knows this.

So he will watch Eiji grow his hair out and meet buddy.  
And he will have to learn how to live with a reality where he is not there with Eiji to experience those things.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading !!!!!!!!  
> Leave a kudos or comment if you’d like. 
> 
> <3
> 
> Edit: I made a tumblr idk how to link it but its ttwodollarbill


End file.
